SANDUSKY OFFERS SURPRISE ALIBI
IN PENN STATE SCANDAL
Happy Valley, Pa.
November 21, 2011
In a stunning update to his interview with NBC’s Bob Costas, disgraced football coach Jerry Sandusky reportedly offered an alibi for the most notorious charge leveled against him in the child molestation scandal that has rocked Penn State University.
According to reliable sources , Sandusky offered the following explanation: “This is all a big misunderstanding” maintained Sandusky. “Like I said, we were horsing around in the shower and the kid asked me to teach him the proper way to line up at center. You know like in football. I showed him the position...the proper way to bend over, and I slipped on a bar of soap, accidentally penetrating him with my penis. I had been washing my genitals when I dropped the soap, and I had inadvertently reached a state of arousal that allowed penetration of the boy, especially since my penis was all soapy and slick. That was when that Graduate Assistant walked in on us. I was trying to remove my penis from his rectum, but these youngsters are so tight, and he was slipping back and forth on the wet floor; I ‘m sure that it appeared as if we were engaged in furious anal copulation, but that wasn’t the case at all.”
The disgraced former coach concluded his remarks by asserting: “Believe me, I’m no Pee-pee toucher. “