Thursday, August 27, 2015
Most Vegetarians Revert To Eating Meat
12/8/2014 3:35 PM ET
According to a new research at the Humane Research Council, more than 80 percent of vegetarians go back to eating meat at some point in their life. The data included 11,000 American adults.
Only two percent of the sample remained exclusively vegetarian, and 88 percent reported no return to a vegetarian diet. Though the study specifically asked about the consumption of red meat by former vegetarians, the researchers say the largest amount of meat consumed was poultry, specifically chicken.
Backsliding seemed to occur regardless of the initial zeal for a non meat diet, as demonstrated by a recent interview at a PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of
Animals) shelter.
The staffer, who chose to remain anonymous, said: “This is Bullshit.
If nobody was around, I’d be in the back cooking up a pet ferret or chewing the head off of an abandoned Parrot”.
The interview concluded with the PETA staffer asserting: “Vegetables ain’t food. Vegetables is what food eats.”
Sunday, May 13, 2012
MOTHERS OF OUR COUNTRY
MOTHERS OF OUR COUNTRY
It started with the democrat “soccer moms” sometime in the 1990s. Any expansion of government whether on the local state or federal level was justified by the claim that it was being done “for the children”. I think that any time that a politician or bureaucrat proposes intrusive rules or laws with the catchphrase “for the children”, they should be immediately hanged with a sign around their necks stating that: “ We did this for the children”.
Like weeds, mothers groups started springing up all over the country. It seemed that each ‘Mothers Against’ (fill in the blank) organization targeted at least one of the first Ten Amendments to the US Constitution, also known as the Bill of Rights. Not to say that the problems that they addressed weren’t serious, but the solutions overreached and seemed to erode our civil liberties. The premiere group Mother’s Against Drunk Driving could have easily been renamed “Mothers Against the 4th 5th and 7th Amendments. Been through a “Traffic Safety Stop “lately? Have you been nailed by a Traffic Enforcement Camera? Been fined for “Distracted Driving”? Seen the video surveillance drones over your neighborhood? You can thank Candy Lightner, the pioneer of Mothers Against….movements.
Other maternal groups include:
Mothers Against Pornography….Targeting Free Speech -the The First Amendment
Mothers Against Gun Violence….Against the ownership of guns-The Second Amendment
It is surprising that the Mothers are not demanding that the government station troops in our homes (3rd amendment) or that public flogging be reinstated (8th Amendment). Actually, a group of welfare mothers in Chicago during the 90s wanted National Guard troops to be stationed in public housing.
And the beat goes on…..
Mothers Against Knives…Having successfully banned guns in England a new crusade was started.
Mother Against the Draft…There isn’t actually a draft, but if they would be against it if it existed….or maybe this group opposes cold air infiltration.
And even…and I swear this is real…..
Mothers Against Peeing Standing Up…..Complete with a Yellow Ribbon campaign
Recent political hope and change in the USA have given more fuel to the Mommy State, representing the ultimate power in the social dynamic, Big Momma. As Norman Bates said: “I’d do anything for my Mother”. Mothers were our first exposure to absolute power growing up. These argument ending words echo throughout the ages: “Because I said so, and I’m your Mother.”
They’re Mothers all right.
Monday, November 21, 2011
SANDUSKY OFFERS SURPRISE ALIBI
SANDUSKY OFFERS SURPRISE ALIBI
IN PENN STATE SCANDAL
Happy Valley, Pa.
November 21, 2011
In a stunning update to his interview with NBC’s Bob Costas, disgraced football coach Jerry Sandusky reportedly offered an alibi for the most notorious charge leveled against him in the child molestation scandal that has rocked Penn State University.
According to reliable sources , Sandusky offered the following explanation: “This is all a big misunderstanding” maintained Sandusky. “Like I said, we were horsing around in the shower and the kid asked me to teach him the proper way to line up at center. You know like in football. I showed him the position...the proper way to bend over, and I slipped on a bar of soap, accidentally penetrating him with my penis. I had been washing my genitals when I dropped the soap, and I had inadvertently reached a state of arousal that allowed penetration of the boy, especially since my penis was all soapy and slick. That was when that Graduate Assistant walked in on us. I was trying to remove my penis from his rectum, but these youngsters are so tight, and he was slipping back and forth on the wet floor; I ‘m sure that it appeared as if we were engaged in furious anal copulation, but that wasn’t the case at all.”
The disgraced former coach concluded his remarks by asserting: “Believe me, I’m no Pee-pee toucher. “
IN PENN STATE SCANDAL
Happy Valley, Pa.
November 21, 2011
In a stunning update to his interview with NBC’s Bob Costas, disgraced football coach Jerry Sandusky reportedly offered an alibi for the most notorious charge leveled against him in the child molestation scandal that has rocked Penn State University.
According to reliable sources , Sandusky offered the following explanation: “This is all a big misunderstanding” maintained Sandusky. “Like I said, we were horsing around in the shower and the kid asked me to teach him the proper way to line up at center. You know like in football. I showed him the position...the proper way to bend over, and I slipped on a bar of soap, accidentally penetrating him with my penis. I had been washing my genitals when I dropped the soap, and I had inadvertently reached a state of arousal that allowed penetration of the boy, especially since my penis was all soapy and slick. That was when that Graduate Assistant walked in on us. I was trying to remove my penis from his rectum, but these youngsters are so tight, and he was slipping back and forth on the wet floor; I ‘m sure that it appeared as if we were engaged in furious anal copulation, but that wasn’t the case at all.”
The disgraced former coach concluded his remarks by asserting: “Believe me, I’m no Pee-pee toucher. “
Tuesday, October 18, 2011
Once Upon A Time
Once upon a time I thought that I would make a good elected official, so I ran for office. I attended a couple of candidates' forums/debates to make my case . If you have read any of my previous entries to this blog, you can imagine the general tenor of my message. One of my appearances resulted in the following scene ( This is mostly gospel true).
Cojonius: “Blah, blah, blah, “Varmints!”
A woman in the audience turned to another and commented:
“ Did you hear what that horrible man said?”
The other woman responded:
“Lady, I married that horrible man.”
I did not win the election by the way.
Cojonius: “Blah, blah, blah, “Varmints!”
A woman in the audience turned to another and commented:
“ Did you hear what that horrible man said?”
The other woman responded:
“Lady, I married that horrible man.”
I did not win the election by the way.
Monday, October 17, 2011
The Brave New Republic
The Brave New Republic
Oct 17, 2011
Obama Pisses on Your Leg, Insists that it is Raining
Washington, D.C.
Shortly after his address to the nation yesterday, President Barack Hussein Obama whipped out his schnozzle and pissed down the collective leg of America. Accompanying the stream of urine were assertions from Obama, Vice-President Biden and White House Press Secretary Jay Carney that it was, in fact, raining.
The White House position was further supported ex-Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi who was quoted as saying:
“In spite of its tepid temperature and piquant aftertaste I find
this rain water to be very refreshing”.
Later, after making his statement, President Obama cut a prodigious fart.
“Roses!” , declared Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid.
Oct 17, 2011
Obama Pisses on Your Leg, Insists that it is Raining
Washington, D.C.
Shortly after his address to the nation yesterday, President Barack Hussein Obama whipped out his schnozzle and pissed down the collective leg of America. Accompanying the stream of urine were assertions from Obama, Vice-President Biden and White House Press Secretary Jay Carney that it was, in fact, raining.
The White House position was further supported ex-Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi who was quoted as saying:
“In spite of its tepid temperature and piquant aftertaste I find
this rain water to be very refreshing”.
Later, after making his statement, President Obama cut a prodigious fart.
“Roses!” , declared Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid.
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
OEDIPUS CHAZ
After watching the 2011 premiere of “Dancing With the Stars” last night, featuring the tragedy formerly known as Chastity Bono, I couldn’t help but notice similarities to another tragedy: Oedipus the King, written by Sophocles. For you victims of Unionized School Districts, here is the Cliffnotes™ version of today’s discussion:
In the original version, King Oedipus doesn’t know that he is adopted. He goes to a fortune teller to find out his future. The psychic tells Oedipus that he is going to kill his father and screw his mother. Oedipus doesn’t wanna, so he runs away from home. On the road he kills a guy and gets lucky with a babe. Of course the guy is his dad and the babe is his mother. His real mother freaks out and hangs herself. Oedipus freaks out and pokes his eyes out, then hits the road to wander in remorse and disgrace. Sound complicated? Not even close to my theory of Chaz Bono......
Chaz, born Chastity to Sonny and Cher Bono seems to have deeply conflicted Oedipal issues within his family dynamic. As the homely daughter of a sex symbol, mega-star mother and a vaguely asexual father, Chaz may have developed a lezbiatic sexual attachment to his mother combined with a resentment of Sonny’s dibs on her. Their divorce and Sonny’s subsequent death left all lanes wide open for Chaz to step into the role of alpha sex partner, except for the inconvenient detail that Cher (in spite of her legions of gay followers) is probably straight.
Chaz has apparently subconsciously resolved the issue by turning morphodite, cutting off his tits, undergoing an addadicktome, gobbling a pro football season's supply of steroids and covering himself in macho tattoos. Chaz can now present himself (symbolically, of course) to his mother as a viable non-lezbiatic suitor.
Most of this fits neatly into the archetypical Oedipal scenario in that you have a dead father, a sexualized, seductive mother, physical mutilation, and ultimately, the public disgrace of appearing on “Dancing with the Stars”.
Of course, this is only a theory. Archetypical symbolism be dammed, more traditional thinkers might say. After all, in the words of Freud himself: “Sometimes a Cigar is just a Cigar.”
Try telling that to Monica Lewinski.
In the original version, King Oedipus doesn’t know that he is adopted. He goes to a fortune teller to find out his future. The psychic tells Oedipus that he is going to kill his father and screw his mother. Oedipus doesn’t wanna, so he runs away from home. On the road he kills a guy and gets lucky with a babe. Of course the guy is his dad and the babe is his mother. His real mother freaks out and hangs herself. Oedipus freaks out and pokes his eyes out, then hits the road to wander in remorse and disgrace. Sound complicated? Not even close to my theory of Chaz Bono......
Chaz, born Chastity to Sonny and Cher Bono seems to have deeply conflicted Oedipal issues within his family dynamic. As the homely daughter of a sex symbol, mega-star mother and a vaguely asexual father, Chaz may have developed a lezbiatic sexual attachment to his mother combined with a resentment of Sonny’s dibs on her. Their divorce and Sonny’s subsequent death left all lanes wide open for Chaz to step into the role of alpha sex partner, except for the inconvenient detail that Cher (in spite of her legions of gay followers) is probably straight.
Chaz has apparently subconsciously resolved the issue by turning morphodite, cutting off his tits, undergoing an addadicktome, gobbling a pro football season's supply of steroids and covering himself in macho tattoos. Chaz can now present himself (symbolically, of course) to his mother as a viable non-lezbiatic suitor.
Most of this fits neatly into the archetypical Oedipal scenario in that you have a dead father, a sexualized, seductive mother, physical mutilation, and ultimately, the public disgrace of appearing on “Dancing with the Stars”.
Of course, this is only a theory. Archetypical symbolism be dammed, more traditional thinkers might say. After all, in the words of Freud himself: “Sometimes a Cigar is just a Cigar.”
Try telling that to Monica Lewinski.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Hot Weather Prediction
Let's see it's July, it's hot...I will go way out on a limb and predict that at any moment.... there will be multiple Al Gore sightings....
AL!! WAKE UP AL!! IT'S YOUR CUE!!!
AL!! WAKE UP AL!! IT'S YOUR CUE!!!
The Passion of the Casey
Ms. Casey Anthony was found NOT GUILTY by a jury of her peers. That is how we do things in the USA. That means that notwithstanding Nancy Grace and Jane Velez Mitchell, she is off the hook.
Scene:
Outside the Orlando lock up an angry crowd gathers, N Grace and JV Mitchell whip them into a frenzy.
NGrace: Crucify crucify crucify!!!
JVMitchell Burn her!!!
Crowd: Give us Barrabas!!!
Scene:
Outside the Orlando lock up an angry crowd gathers, N Grace and JV Mitchell whip them into a frenzy.
NGrace: Crucify crucify crucify!!!
JVMitchell Burn her!!!
Crowd: Give us Barrabas!!!
Saturday, January 29, 2011
The Pan-Arab Revolt
Okay, so the latest Arab uprising in Egypt has no terrorist elements to it, right? This story reeks of CNN Über-Spin, characterizing the events in Egypt and other Arab nations as a revolt fueled by the intelligentsia, not hysterical Jihadists. Maybe my TV set is tuned to a different universe, as I see nothing but screeching rioters from the area of the world that author P.J. O’Rourke accurately identified as “God’s Monkey House”.
Notably absent in this "intellectual" revolt are the intellectuals from Syria, Lybia and Saudi Arabia, genuinely despotic regimes. Mubarak, at worst is "despot lite", otherwise the protestors would be getting the Tiananmen Square treatment, and there would be several hundred dead already instead of a handful.
With Hillary overtly, and President Obama tacitly throwing an admittedly flawed ally under the bus, this can only end one way, with another middle east country falling into the Iranian model.
Remember that the Iranian revolution was sparked by the country’s intellectual elite and college students, but ended with the rise of the Assaholas, and the establishment of the world’s first viable terrorist state. Thanks a lot President Carter, you peanut munching varmint.
We must act this time. Here are a few easily implemented precautions that may help avoid another foreign policy disaster :
#1. Declare the Suez Canal and the Sinai Peninsula vital international utilities. President Obama: screw the Afghans, send in the Marines. If you can’t send in our Marines, let Israel re-occupy the area. If our panty-waist NATO allies grow a set and want to help, let them. Under no circumstances should this mission include United Nations Peace Keepers as these clowns are as about as useful as tits on a tomcat.
#2. Make a public statement that Iran, Syria and Pakistan have been designated as primary nuclear targets in the event of an attack on Israel, regardless of deniability.
#3. Develop a policy for the disarmament of all middle eastern Muslim countries down to the police department level. This means no tanks, air forces, missiles, nukes, chemical weapons or biological weapons will be tolerated. If it were possible, we should reduce them to pointy sticks, rocks and harsh language, but taking their armament down to the level of a rural police department will do for now.
#4. Make war profiteering (despite what the MSNBC bedwetters say, we are at war) a prosecutable crime with hard time attached to a conviction ( say hello to your new room mate, Rectal Ronnie). This includes price manipulation of consumable commodities including oil and food.
Somebody has to be the adult here.
Notably absent in this "intellectual" revolt are the intellectuals from Syria, Lybia and Saudi Arabia, genuinely despotic regimes. Mubarak, at worst is "despot lite", otherwise the protestors would be getting the Tiananmen Square treatment, and there would be several hundred dead already instead of a handful.
With Hillary overtly, and President Obama tacitly throwing an admittedly flawed ally under the bus, this can only end one way, with another middle east country falling into the Iranian model.
Remember that the Iranian revolution was sparked by the country’s intellectual elite and college students, but ended with the rise of the Assaholas, and the establishment of the world’s first viable terrorist state. Thanks a lot President Carter, you peanut munching varmint.
We must act this time. Here are a few easily implemented precautions that may help avoid another foreign policy disaster :
#1. Declare the Suez Canal and the Sinai Peninsula vital international utilities. President Obama: screw the Afghans, send in the Marines. If you can’t send in our Marines, let Israel re-occupy the area. If our panty-waist NATO allies grow a set and want to help, let them. Under no circumstances should this mission include United Nations Peace Keepers as these clowns are as about as useful as tits on a tomcat.
#2. Make a public statement that Iran, Syria and Pakistan have been designated as primary nuclear targets in the event of an attack on Israel, regardless of deniability.
#3. Develop a policy for the disarmament of all middle eastern Muslim countries down to the police department level. This means no tanks, air forces, missiles, nukes, chemical weapons or biological weapons will be tolerated. If it were possible, we should reduce them to pointy sticks, rocks and harsh language, but taking their armament down to the level of a rural police department will do for now.
#4. Make war profiteering (despite what the MSNBC bedwetters say, we are at war) a prosecutable crime with hard time attached to a conviction ( say hello to your new room mate, Rectal Ronnie). This includes price manipulation of consumable commodities including oil and food.
Somebody has to be the adult here.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
Good Riddance to a Hateful Varmint
Sometimes.....the stars align and the almighty allows a little sprinkle of pre-apocalyptic justice to rain down.
MSNBC wishes Keith Olbermann the best in his future endeavors....right. I am sure that part of his seperation package included instructions on how to say" Do you want fries with that?" in three languages.
Let's see there are 4 more of these clowns to go.
Matthews, Maddow, Schultz, and the latest addition, O'donnel, who openly confesses to being a red commie punk, should keep this bit of scripture in mind....
Isaiah 5:20 Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!
Isaiah 5:21 Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and shrewd in their own sight!
Selah!
MSNBC wishes Keith Olbermann the best in his future endeavors....right. I am sure that part of his seperation package included instructions on how to say" Do you want fries with that?" in three languages.
Let's see there are 4 more of these clowns to go.
Matthews, Maddow, Schultz, and the latest addition, O'donnel, who openly confesses to being a red commie punk, should keep this bit of scripture in mind....
Isaiah 5:20 Woe to those who call evil good and good evil, who put darkness for light and light for darkness, who put bitter for sweet and sweet for bitter!
Isaiah 5:21 Woe to those who are wise in their own eyes, and shrewd in their own sight!
Selah!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
AL GORE’S JOURNEY TO ENLIGHTENMENT: HIS SECOND CHAKRA
Did anyone see this one coming? The world’s foremost environmentalist is a Pee-pee Toucher. Saving the planet apparently has its privileges, which include hotels that include condoms in the welcome basket, and on-call masseuses with optional happy ending.
Oops! Another false idol with feet of real clay. At least Gore’s mentor had better taste in women. Monica Lewinsky, while a little on the Zaftig side was at least, young, nubile and most important willing, as opposed to the middle-aged victim who is, against all odds, an actual, legitimate, professional on-call masseuse and not-interested-at -all- thank-you-very much. In an additional ironic twist, the former Vice-President is apparently a premature ejaculator, leaving a trail of spooge as distinct as the Gulf Oil spill on her clothing. And the yet-to-be-identified victim learned from her predecessor in the Clinton White House, carefully preserving evidence on her slacks.
What are the odds that for eight years running we had a matched set of horny varmints in the White House? Like the victim, I’m sure that this incident was not a first for the “Sex Crazed Poodle” formerly known as Al Gore. This renaissance man has been busily trotting the globe going from one Pito Tweezeling to the next ever since receiving the Academy Award.
Abetted by the staff of writers that produced “An Inconvenient Truth”, he probably had some killer pick up lines. I can just hear him:
“You are so hot; you may be causing global warming.”
“Can I pay for this massage with Carbon Credits?”
“You know that along with “Love Story”, Debbie does Dallas” was also based on my life.”
“I really didn’t invent the entire Internet, just the good parts.”
And to quote Gary Glitter: “Do wanna touch me there? Where? There! Yeah! Oh Yeah, Oh yeah!”.
Not to cast aspersions on the spirit of free market enterprise, I can imagine
THE PHONE CALL:
3 AM at the Gore compound somewhere in Tennessee, the phone rings incessantly. Tipper Gore takes the phone and answers:
“Gore residence, do you have any idea what time it is?”
A female voice responds:
“ I’m sorry but I must speak to Vice President Gore, it’s an emergency.”
Al Gore slowly wakes and rolls over...
“What is it sweety?” he asks.
“Some woman, she says it’s an emergency” Tipper replies in an icy tone, eyeing a heavy crystal ashtray.
“Must be an environmentalist activist , they never rest” ...Al takes the phone.
“Hello, Al Gore, Inventor of the Internet, basis for eternal romantic drama, savior of the planet and the legitimate 43rd President of the United States here. May I help you?”
The unidentified woman:
“Mr. Vice President, I have an important business proposition for you”
“Lady, I invented that Carbon Credit scam, are you pulling my leg?”
“Not like you wanted me to, you globally overheated sex poodle”
Gore goes ashen and is visibly shaken.
“Holy Mother of God! It’s Portland, Isn’t it?”
“What’s wrong in Portland honey?” Asks Tipper suspiciously. She has gotten out of bed and is standing across the room and is now hefting the crystal ashtray .
“There’s been a spill honey, it could be a disastrous biological incident” he answers in a wavering voice.
The woman on the phone continues:“Al, remember how immediate your needs were in your second Chakra? You prematurely deposited your carbon footprint all over my nice new slacks. I kept those slacks Al, and now I want to sell them.... To you. .....”
Gore flinches as the heavy ashtray flies past his head, shattering loudly against the bedroom wall.
A Secret Service agent kicks the door open, weapon in hand
“Mr. Vice-President! Are you OK? “ he asks alarmed
”It’s Tipper! She’s gone berserk again! Save me! And it’s Mr. President, not Vice President. How many times do I have to tell you that George Bush stole that election!”
The Agent holsters his gun and draws a Tazer, aiming it at Tipper who is searching for additional missiles to heave at her husband.
“Mrs . Gore, there is no reason to get violent again. . .” The agent says in soothing tones.
“Global warming my ass!” snarls Tipper, “I knew that was all B.S.! Don’t TAZE me bro, don’t TAZE me!...AHHH!!! “
It’s too bad that our current President isn’t into the “Nuts and Sluts” a la Clinton and now Gore. The Venial sins of picking off the occasional campaign groupie or White House Intern don’t compare with the the thorough reaming that Obama is giving the republic.
Oops! Another false idol with feet of real clay. At least Gore’s mentor had better taste in women. Monica Lewinsky, while a little on the Zaftig side was at least, young, nubile and most important willing, as opposed to the middle-aged victim who is, against all odds, an actual, legitimate, professional on-call masseuse and not-interested-at -all- thank-you-very much. In an additional ironic twist, the former Vice-President is apparently a premature ejaculator, leaving a trail of spooge as distinct as the Gulf Oil spill on her clothing. And the yet-to-be-identified victim learned from her predecessor in the Clinton White House, carefully preserving evidence on her slacks.
What are the odds that for eight years running we had a matched set of horny varmints in the White House? Like the victim, I’m sure that this incident was not a first for the “Sex Crazed Poodle” formerly known as Al Gore. This renaissance man has been busily trotting the globe going from one Pito Tweezeling to the next ever since receiving the Academy Award.
Abetted by the staff of writers that produced “An Inconvenient Truth”, he probably had some killer pick up lines. I can just hear him:
“You are so hot; you may be causing global warming.”
“Can I pay for this massage with Carbon Credits?”
“You know that along with “Love Story”, Debbie does Dallas” was also based on my life.”
“I really didn’t invent the entire Internet, just the good parts.”
And to quote Gary Glitter: “Do wanna touch me there? Where? There! Yeah! Oh Yeah, Oh yeah!”.
Not to cast aspersions on the spirit of free market enterprise, I can imagine
THE PHONE CALL:
3 AM at the Gore compound somewhere in Tennessee, the phone rings incessantly. Tipper Gore takes the phone and answers:
“Gore residence, do you have any idea what time it is?”
A female voice responds:
“ I’m sorry but I must speak to Vice President Gore, it’s an emergency.”
Al Gore slowly wakes and rolls over...
“What is it sweety?” he asks.
“Some woman, she says it’s an emergency” Tipper replies in an icy tone, eyeing a heavy crystal ashtray.
“Must be an environmentalist activist , they never rest” ...Al takes the phone.
“Hello, Al Gore, Inventor of the Internet, basis for eternal romantic drama, savior of the planet and the legitimate 43rd President of the United States here. May I help you?”
The unidentified woman:
“Mr. Vice President, I have an important business proposition for you”
“Lady, I invented that Carbon Credit scam, are you pulling my leg?”
“Not like you wanted me to, you globally overheated sex poodle”
Gore goes ashen and is visibly shaken.
“Holy Mother of God! It’s Portland, Isn’t it?”
“What’s wrong in Portland honey?” Asks Tipper suspiciously. She has gotten out of bed and is standing across the room and is now hefting the crystal ashtray .
“There’s been a spill honey, it could be a disastrous biological incident” he answers in a wavering voice.
The woman on the phone continues:“Al, remember how immediate your needs were in your second Chakra? You prematurely deposited your carbon footprint all over my nice new slacks. I kept those slacks Al, and now I want to sell them.... To you. .....”
Gore flinches as the heavy ashtray flies past his head, shattering loudly against the bedroom wall.
A Secret Service agent kicks the door open, weapon in hand
“Mr. Vice-President! Are you OK? “ he asks alarmed
”It’s Tipper! She’s gone berserk again! Save me! And it’s Mr. President, not Vice President. How many times do I have to tell you that George Bush stole that election!”
The Agent holsters his gun and draws a Tazer, aiming it at Tipper who is searching for additional missiles to heave at her husband.
“Mrs . Gore, there is no reason to get violent again. . .” The agent says in soothing tones.
“Global warming my ass!” snarls Tipper, “I knew that was all B.S.! Don’t TAZE me bro, don’t TAZE me!...AHHH!!! “
It’s too bad that our current President isn’t into the “Nuts and Sluts” a la Clinton and now Gore. The Venial sins of picking off the occasional campaign groupie or White House Intern don’t compare with the the thorough reaming that Obama is giving the republic.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
DARK THOUGHTS ON A SUNNY DAY
Dark Thoughts on a Sunny Day
The news gets stranger every day. The magic-bean-buyers of the USA have turned over the reins of power to a dictator in waiting . As Oliver Hardy said to Stan Laurel:
"You’ve really done it this time!"
Here is the news of the day followed by upcoming scenarios that even 6 months ago would have been considered paranoid delusions but are now well within the realm of possibility:
Current Times
The drumbeat continues that America is near collapse and that only an unprecedented campaign of government intervention in the free markets can save the country.
Highlights so far:
* Stock Market down 25% since the inauguration of President Barack bin Laden
* Government bails out( nationalizes ) banks, insurance companies and car manufacturers
* Stimulus package passes Congress with thousands of special interest funding projects
* Congress passes ex post facto law confiscating legally paid salary bonuses
* Treasury “buys” 1 trillion plus of national debt with non-existing funds
* Barack appears on the Jay Leno show, insults headslappers.
*Oil=approx $50 per bbl
*Gold= approx $1,000 per oz
The Not Too Distant Future
President Barack bin Laden announces the creation of his “Civilian Security Force” as promised during the 2008 campaign due to unprecedented risks to domestic order.
Congress passes and Barack signs a new “equal time” law directed at conservative “new media”. This will include some kind of Internet censorship as well as talk radio regulation.
Executive orders are issued that circumvent The Bill of Rights, specifically the First, Second Fourth , Fifth and Seventh amendments. The selective enforcement of these changes will be conducted by the newly created Civilian Security Force under the supervision of a new cabinet level appointee. The rationale for this initiative is that is it being undertaken “for the children.”
The preceding laws and directives are ruled unconstitutional by the sitting Supreme Court. The rulings are ignored by President Barack bin Laden. This represents the de facto dissolution of the Judiciary branch of government.
Wage control laws are enacted by Congress limiting compensation to non-government employees to the average national income of $45,000.
Welfare payments are increased to the average national income. Eligibility for welfare is expanded to include “all persons within the territorial limits of the United States regardless of immigration status”. President Barack bin Laden, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid issue a joint statement that this new wage and welfare regulations are being implemented “for the children”.
Barack appears on MTV, performs interpretative “break dance for change”
*Oil=approx $150 per bbl
*Gold= $1,800 per oz
July-September 2010
The country sinks into deeper depression, with the now-socialized economy collapsing. Unemployment will climb above 20%; 50% + in the black and Hispanic communities.
Gulf Oil Spill continues .
The Administration, along with cooperating mainstream media outlets declare
that the crisis has been solved, even as Detroit, Chicago, New York, D.C. and Los Angeles
suffer riots, looting and a spike in property crime, assaults and murder.
The National Guard is federalized and assigned to restore order. They fail. Elements of the Armed Forces that have been rotated back to the U.S. from the Middle East are deployed in urban areas to restore order. (This may actually work).
Congress under the leadership of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid lead a vote to temporarily appoint President Barack bin Laden as Caliph Maximus due to his unprecedented support in the news polls. Rationale for the move is characterized as good “for the children”.
Barack Appears on “Who’s Smarter than a Fifth Grader” ....He isn’t.
*Oil=approx $250 per bbl; gasoline rationing is implemented.
*Gold= $2,500 per oz
Sooner Than You Think
President Barack bin Laden issues Executive orders that establish Ramadan as a federal holiday. Christmas and Thanksgiving are eliminated as federal holidays.
The states of Tennessee, Oklahoma, Texas, Idaho, Wyoming, Utah, Montana, Alaska, Iowa North Carolina, South Carolina Georgia and Nebraska attempt to secede from the union.
The states of California, New Mexico Arizona and portions of Texas see a movement to be declared Mexican territory.
The states of Louisiana, Mississippi Georgia, Alabama and South Carolina see a movement to declare an African Homeland.
Iran deploys nuclear missiles. Israel bombs the sites. Iran bombs the Persian gulf access points, invades Iraq.
Saudi Arabian, Egyptian, Jordanian and Pakistani governments are overthrown as are the Arabian Gulf Emirates. Islamic States are declared.
Syria invades Israel. Israel retaliates with nuclear strikes on Damascus, Tehran and their deployed armed forces. Syria and Iran cease to exist as nations, reverting to 11th century Islamic states.
*Barack appears on the Home Shopping Network, offers to sell American women and children to the new Islamic states in return for crude oil; criticizes Israel for aggression.
*Dollar Collapses
*Oil=approx $500 per bbl
*Gold= $10,000 per oz
Any Minute Now
A state of civil war exists in the above mentioned areas of the USA. Federal troops are sent to engage Mexican army units (official and irregular “volunteers”) in the southwest.
Pakistan launches nuclear strikes on Israel and India. Israel and India retaliate. Pakistan ceases to exist as a nation, reverting to tribal government.
* “The Barack Show” a nationally syndicated talk and variety show, airs on all remaining network, cable and radio stations. Ratings soar as viewing is made mandatory
by executive order.
*Oil=approx $1000 per bbl
*Gold= $17,000 per oz
Any Minute Now Part -2
President Barack bin Laden issues executive orders suspending constitutional government due to an unprecedented national emergency.
The cities burn again during the summer.
Barack signs executive order suspending Congressional elections due to an unprecedented
National emergency. Pelosi, Reid support the move based on news polls.
* The Barack Show is unexpectedly cancelled as the host has mysteriously disappeared in the company of a red-clad figure with cloven hooves and a forked tail.
*Oil=approx $2000 per bbl
*Gold= $25,000 per oz
November-December 2010
Elections are held anyway, using bullets instead of ballots.
The United States of America ceases to exist as a nation.
Cue the dark ages .
There is little mention of the Russians Chinese and Islamic terrorists in this piece.
Why aren’t our enemies taking advantage of this chaos? Because they can’t do a better job of destroying the USA than Barack, Pelosi Reid and the neo-socialist democrat party.
December, 2012
The world ends, no great loss.
The news gets stranger every day. The magic-bean-buyers of the USA have turned over the reins of power to a dictator in waiting . As Oliver Hardy said to Stan Laurel:
"You’ve really done it this time!"
Here is the news of the day followed by upcoming scenarios that even 6 months ago would have been considered paranoid delusions but are now well within the realm of possibility:
Current Times
The drumbeat continues that America is near collapse and that only an unprecedented campaign of government intervention in the free markets can save the country.
Highlights so far:
* Stock Market down 25% since the inauguration of President Barack bin Laden
* Government bails out( nationalizes ) banks, insurance companies and car manufacturers
* Stimulus package passes Congress with thousands of special interest funding projects
* Congress passes ex post facto law confiscating legally paid salary bonuses
* Treasury “buys” 1 trillion plus of national debt with non-existing funds
* Barack appears on the Jay Leno show, insults headslappers.
*Oil=approx $50 per bbl
*Gold= approx $1,000 per oz
The Not Too Distant Future
President Barack bin Laden announces the creation of his “Civilian Security Force” as promised during the 2008 campaign due to unprecedented risks to domestic order.
Congress passes and Barack signs a new “equal time” law directed at conservative “new media”. This will include some kind of Internet censorship as well as talk radio regulation.
Executive orders are issued that circumvent The Bill of Rights, specifically the First, Second Fourth , Fifth and Seventh amendments. The selective enforcement of these changes will be conducted by the newly created Civilian Security Force under the supervision of a new cabinet level appointee. The rationale for this initiative is that is it being undertaken “for the children.”
The preceding laws and directives are ruled unconstitutional by the sitting Supreme Court. The rulings are ignored by President Barack bin Laden. This represents the de facto dissolution of the Judiciary branch of government.
Wage control laws are enacted by Congress limiting compensation to non-government employees to the average national income of $45,000.
Welfare payments are increased to the average national income. Eligibility for welfare is expanded to include “all persons within the territorial limits of the United States regardless of immigration status”. President Barack bin Laden, Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid issue a joint statement that this new wage and welfare regulations are being implemented “for the children”.
Barack appears on MTV, performs interpretative “break dance for change”
*Oil=approx $150 per bbl
*Gold= $1,800 per oz
July-September 2010
The country sinks into deeper depression, with the now-socialized economy collapsing. Unemployment will climb above 20%; 50% + in the black and Hispanic communities.
Gulf Oil Spill continues .
The Administration, along with cooperating mainstream media outlets declare
that the crisis has been solved, even as Detroit, Chicago, New York, D.C. and Los Angeles
suffer riots, looting and a spike in property crime, assaults and murder.
The National Guard is federalized and assigned to restore order. They fail. Elements of the Armed Forces that have been rotated back to the U.S. from the Middle East are deployed in urban areas to restore order. (This may actually work).
Congress under the leadership of Nancy Pelosi and Harry Reid lead a vote to temporarily appoint President Barack bin Laden as Caliph Maximus due to his unprecedented support in the news polls. Rationale for the move is characterized as good “for the children”.
Barack Appears on “Who’s Smarter than a Fifth Grader” ....He isn’t.
*Oil=approx $250 per bbl; gasoline rationing is implemented.
*Gold= $2,500 per oz
Sooner Than You Think
President Barack bin Laden issues Executive orders that establish Ramadan as a federal holiday. Christmas and Thanksgiving are eliminated as federal holidays.
The states of Tennessee, Oklahoma, Texas, Idaho, Wyoming, Utah, Montana, Alaska, Iowa North Carolina, South Carolina Georgia and Nebraska attempt to secede from the union.
The states of California, New Mexico Arizona and portions of Texas see a movement to be declared Mexican territory.
The states of Louisiana, Mississippi Georgia, Alabama and South Carolina see a movement to declare an African Homeland.
Iran deploys nuclear missiles. Israel bombs the sites. Iran bombs the Persian gulf access points, invades Iraq.
Saudi Arabian, Egyptian, Jordanian and Pakistani governments are overthrown as are the Arabian Gulf Emirates. Islamic States are declared.
Syria invades Israel. Israel retaliates with nuclear strikes on Damascus, Tehran and their deployed armed forces. Syria and Iran cease to exist as nations, reverting to 11th century Islamic states.
*Barack appears on the Home Shopping Network, offers to sell American women and children to the new Islamic states in return for crude oil; criticizes Israel for aggression.
*Dollar Collapses
*Oil=approx $500 per bbl
*Gold= $10,000 per oz
Any Minute Now
A state of civil war exists in the above mentioned areas of the USA. Federal troops are sent to engage Mexican army units (official and irregular “volunteers”) in the southwest.
Pakistan launches nuclear strikes on Israel and India. Israel and India retaliate. Pakistan ceases to exist as a nation, reverting to tribal government.
* “The Barack Show” a nationally syndicated talk and variety show, airs on all remaining network, cable and radio stations. Ratings soar as viewing is made mandatory
by executive order.
*Oil=approx $1000 per bbl
*Gold= $17,000 per oz
Any Minute Now Part -2
President Barack bin Laden issues executive orders suspending constitutional government due to an unprecedented national emergency.
The cities burn again during the summer.
Barack signs executive order suspending Congressional elections due to an unprecedented
National emergency. Pelosi, Reid support the move based on news polls.
* The Barack Show is unexpectedly cancelled as the host has mysteriously disappeared in the company of a red-clad figure with cloven hooves and a forked tail.
*Oil=approx $2000 per bbl
*Gold= $25,000 per oz
November-December 2010
Elections are held anyway, using bullets instead of ballots.
The United States of America ceases to exist as a nation.
Cue the dark ages .
There is little mention of the Russians Chinese and Islamic terrorists in this piece.
Why aren’t our enemies taking advantage of this chaos? Because they can’t do a better job of destroying the USA than Barack, Pelosi Reid and the neo-socialist democrat party.
December, 2012
The world ends, no great loss.
Friday, October 3, 2008
SEN. BLUTO BLUTARSKI-BIDEN
Biden IS Bluto Blutarski!
Remember the Animal House scene with Bluto's rant:
Bluto: "was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?...."
Biden :
"When the stock market crashed, Franklin Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the princes of greed." He said, "look, here's what happened."
So..... Is his wife the co-ed from the final scene in the movie?
Remember the Animal House scene with Bluto's rant:
Bluto: "was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?...."
Biden :
"When the stock market crashed, Franklin Roosevelt got on the television and didn't just talk about the princes of greed." He said, "look, here's what happened."
So..... Is his wife the co-ed from the final scene in the movie?
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